OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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