my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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