Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
