her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
