I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
