Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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