You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
