every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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