That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
