the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
