Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
