he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
