I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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