not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
