So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
