Please, let me fuck your mom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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