i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
