You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
