I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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