K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
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Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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