Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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