after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
