sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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