yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
