Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
