There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
