The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
