Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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