My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
