You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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