Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
