You're so nebulous sometimes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
