my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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