I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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