Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
