It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
is it fun? or sober?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
