i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
