We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
