the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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