first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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