why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
