I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
