She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
