if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
