do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
