can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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