he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
