My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
