I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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