I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
