brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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