4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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