Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
