Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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