I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
