Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
