guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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