I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
