i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her vagine was all disorganized.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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