take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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