One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
