Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
