I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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