So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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