trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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