We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
