you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
