there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
