Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
