ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
