I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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